Dear youth ministry friends,

Okay, it’s time for true confessions. Here’s mine: I don’t do play well. (Or, at least, I didn’t used to.)

From teen years on, I was a pretty serious, driven kid. Growing up in a pressure-centric town in CT, I completely bought into the rat race: having a good work ethic would lead to success and praise. Of course it would! It was a part of my identity. My homework was done on Friday afternoons and evenings, so I could relax on the weekends.

I took church seriously, too. I was involved in everything I could be: adult book groups, teaching Confirmation, leading our middle school youth group, attending the high school youth group (my least favorite of all of them), relishing in the early contemplative worship service. I did it all, every single week.

This kind of drive carried me well into my twenties, and into my early years as a wife, and mom, and minister. I “did it all” and prided myself in that. (That whole Pauline thing about boasting under the law? Yeah…) Throughout this season, the leaders and teachers in my life, practically to a person, all tried to teach me a similar lesson. And it certainly wasn’t, “Try harder.” I remember one of my chaplain mentors giving me an evaluation, and her words were, “Jill. Lighten up!” That’s not something I think many people hear when training for hospital chaplaincy!

I’ve come a long way since those days. Slowly, God has used my life experiences to unravel some of my tendencies, and to reflect upon them. Where does this drive come from? And, more importantly, ‘What about this tendency can be healthy and holy, and what about it is not?’ My driven-ness, like most things, has its gifts and its shadow sides. It’s not a bad thing to be organized and driven. A lot of it is just who I am as a person. But at least some of it is also about control, and finding my identity in achievement. And, when that way of being impedes our ability to be spontaneous, we can miss the chance opportunities and surprises God lays at our feet.

Here’s something I’ve learned: when we play, we tap into something different, and more holy than the endless drive of to-dos. We tap into a relaxed state. We tap into creativity. We tap into new ways of being.

I’ve been leaning into play more lately. And, surprisingly, it’s kinda fun! Finding moments of rest and of lightheartedness in these summer days has taught me a lot. God does not always call us to be productive. We were not created to do; we were created to be. These times of play, I have learned, are good for my spirit. I didn’t used to do play well… but I’m working on it.

What about you, friends? In these summer months, what are you doing to play? Can you give yourself the permission to do that? And as you do so, what new pieces of yourself (and of God) will you tap into?

With you on the journey,

Rev. Jill