Dear youth ministry friends,

“You know, Jill, the word “should” is a curse word in my house. We don’t use it.”

I was surprised to hear my friend speak so plainly about such a seemingly innocuous word. When I inquired further, he shared that, for people who are not necessarily feeling great about themselves, the “should” trap is an unhelpful voice of comparison that reminds people that they are either not doing enough, or are not enough within themselves.

“I should be working harder.”

“I should be a better mom.”

“I should exercise more.”

“I should be able to handle this difficult person.”

As I reflected upon my own “should”s a bit further, I sensed that my friend was right. It was a rare occurrence that the “should” voice actually galvanized me towards helpful action. Now, of course, sometimes should statements can be hopeful, and helpful too: “I should call that person” or “I should reach for the new job!” But more often they give voice to a regret or a shame we carry. Or, more dangerously, “I should feel this way.” In a season of innovation and planning—what the late summer season is for many of us— should statements could even hold us back. They prevent us from honestly processing how we’re feeling (and why), and from experiencing the warmth of God’s all-encompassing embrace of all of us, however we might be feeling.

As we look towards the fall, I’m inclined to think that this is a time when the should statements can prevent us from joy. Many individuals and churches hold should feelings of what the new school year should look like. God is less encumbered by such things. God cuts through our shoulds with a hopeful beckoning to reconnection: the shoulds of our lives can be behind. After all, by all conventional standards, Jesus should have stayed dead. But he did not. New life emerged from that tomb.

So, beloved of God. If you’re looking forward to the joy and energy of the fall gatherings and the start of the school year, that’s wonderful! I’ll join you in that. If, however, you’re not really it this year… it’s okay. There is no “should” here. May that be a healing word for you in this season.

With you on the journey,

Rev. Jill